if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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