I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
