You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
