i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
