OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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