she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
