I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
