Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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