these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
