I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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