i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
