I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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