My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
