Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I want is dick and wine.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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