Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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