The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
