We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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