Me. At least after what I've been through.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
