I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
