When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
