fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
