The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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