my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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