just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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