everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
