I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
