Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
