i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
