Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
