we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
