I think my fart just growled at me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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