Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
