Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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