Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
