Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude i'm inner monologue high
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
