Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
