Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
