If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
