I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
