I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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