I smell stomach acid.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
