If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
