My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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