i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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