I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
