i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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