She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
