Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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