i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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