Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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