So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
