I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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