when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
