There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
